Rejecting bystander effect and victim-blaming

Choose your words carefully

When someone’s nudes are leaked, a lot of people feel the need to ask “What were you thinking?” Maybe your instinct is that you don’t understand why someone would send nudes to a stranger. But certain phrases do more harm than good, because they place blame on the victim rather than offer empathy and support. 

Here are some common phrases to avoid when talking about people in an online crisis:

Yes, there are multiple contexts as to why a friend sent a nude. Maybe they trusted the person, or maybe they were unjustly coerced into sending the images. But it’s important to note that leaked nudes are non-consensual and a violation of their privacy and trust. The only person responsible is the person who violated consent.

Reasons why victim-blaming does not make a safer internet

Victim-blaming makes a hostile environment for people who face online abuse. When someone experiences a crisis, take a step back to understand what your role is in perpetuating harmful online behavior.

Think through the situation.

When you victim-blame, you minimize violation of privacy by ignoring the fact that someone reshared confidential content without consent.

Never blame a victim.

Blaming makes victims hesitant to come forward and ask for help out of fear that they will be blamed or not believed.

Not the victim’s responsibility.

Blaming reinforces the idea that the victim is responsible for their own violation, which places the burden of prevention on the victim, not the perpetrator.

Reminders for the bystander

Sometimes you don’t have to actively use words to blame people. Saying nothing when a friend experiences online abuse, such as grooming or leaked nudes, can speak volumes (in a negative way).

When You Do Not Intervene…

The presence of bystanders who are unwilling to intervene when someone’s nudes are leaked, it can make victims feel more alone.

They May Not Seek Help.

Being a bystander can send the message that the victim is to blame for what happened, which can prevent them from seeking help.

Normalization is not good.

Blaming reinforces the idea that the victim is responsible for their own violation, which places the burden of prevention on the victim, not the perpetrator.

Exercising empathy

Let’s create a supportive and compassionate community. Your words can create the difference for someone going through an online crisis. 

Here are some advice on how to practice support rather than blame:

Digital role models tip: Spreading awareness about the issue of non-consensual resharing of nudes helps educate others about the harmful effects of victim-blaming and the importance of supporting victims.

Friendly reminder: when we reject victim-blaming, we are opening space for our peers who experience online harassment or abuse to seek help.

Curious how you can be a digital role model? Take one of our quizzes or explore our other digital mindfulness resources. 

Remember that it is not your fault. These are people who seek those they can manipulate. Now that you’ve seen the signs you may not only know how to avoid it again, but you can also help protect your friends when seeing similar signs happen to them. Amos 24